Christmas Eve Delight
by Mileycfan4eva
Summary: Christmas Eve brings Amanda and Olivia closer than either dreamed could happen.
1. Chapter 1 Christmas Eve Delight

**Fandom: SVU**

**Title: Christmas Eve Delight**

**A/N : I don't own anything in the SVU universe except the plot. Jessie and Billie don't exist in this fic **

**P O V: Amanda Rollins**

**Chapter 1: I Need You Now**

**Rainbow Generation Lounge & Nightclub**

**546 Christopher Street**

**New York, NY, 10023**

**December 24****th****, 2019 10:35 pm **

Slamming down my empty glass on the counter, I meet the bartender's eyes. "Alec you are looking adorable tonight, very delicious, I know you'll make some guy's Christmas Eve delight, now make me a happy woman, and pour me some of that." I stumble, laughing as I point to the vodka bottle, my hand careering his bare pours me the drink laughing as I sit back.

"Another Alec." I slam the glass down, losing count of how many I've had by now. "Amanda, are you sure it's a good idea? I think you've had enough. Let me call you a cab."

"No, I want another. You don't get paid to think pretty boy, you.." I stumble as I get up, gripping the counter "You get paid to pour me drinks...so shut-up..fill 'ere up so I can drink my drinky-drink." "Amanda, you're wasted."

Laughter rises from my throat; the room spins fast, brilliant neon colors fly on unicorns. "Whoa, Amanda honey." that voice I know it. All I can describe it as is honey on ice on a hot summer day sweet, sticky and husky. Every little hair on my body is now standing at attention, screaming yes, Ma'am! her hand slides around my waist, my throat tightens. "Captain." I manage to squeak out.

"It's Liv sweetie; we're off the clock." I feel her slip her hand inside mine. "Alec, Sweetie I'm Olivia, I'll pay out her tap, she is done for the night."

"Says who? I'm not done, Ol-i-v-i-a! I'm just getting started! My snort and laughter makes my sarcasm dulled; my swaying body makes my words less menacing. I keep trying to break free of her grasp "Amanda, please stop whatever it is that's bothering you. Please let me help. I can fix it."

Her words stop me slapping me cold like winter bitter's winds after a night of club dancing squashed body to body. "fix it? Liv, are you serious? Do you think I'm broken? You think I'm damaged, shattered like a glass of a wrecked car?"

"No, Amanda, that's not what I said."

"It's what you meant, though well guess what Liv you can't. Not everything can be fixed, some people are too damaged. Too ruined to be put back together again."

"You have no idea what's happened in my life, you have no idea how it feels to hit rock bottom, to sink so God damn far that everyone else around you is swimming miles ahead, but you keep sinking faster, harder to the damn bottom of that ocean floor."

"So tell me, Amanda. Talk to me. Trust in me."

Her eyes are pleading with me to trust her, talk to her, soulful bright hazel eyes craving my secrets. Why? No one else has ever cared enough to try. I have to struggle to force another breath out physically, one becomes two and turns to three. I'm up to six before I can clear the lump.

"Why so you can use it against me?"

"Amanda, I wouldn't; you're in trouble, aren't you? Whatever it is, I can help."

"It's nothing like that Liv, I'm fine. Honestly, seriously. Excuse me; I have bars to visit."

"Amanda, please don't go, please come with me. I need to talk maybe you're okay with keeping things inside, I can't wait anymore. I need to get some things off my chest, your the only one I feel comfortable enough with to talk to,"

"About what, Liv?" My eyes meet hers staring into hers for a moment. I am captivated, nearly forgetting we're in a packed bar, Christmas music blasting from speakers, bodies pressed together.

All it takes is one look one smile, one positive word from her for me to become undone to forget how to speak, think, or even feel. She makes me dizzy with excitement, anticipation, fear. Her scent is intoxicating who needs alcohol right now at this moment; I would trade all the booze in the world for one smile from her, one whispered word. I would follow her anywhere.

Even if she'll never see me in the same way that I see her.

Even if she never loves me back with the same fierceness that I love her. I would still follow her everywhere, anywhere. Which is why I allow her to take my elbow, lead me outside the bar into the freezing bitter harshness of late December's night air."Where's Noah?"

"Aunt Alex and Aunt Casey took him and Calex to the Rockettes he's sleeping over tonight." I nodded, vaguely remembering that Alex and Casey have a son around Noah's age Calex. "Christmas Eve is just so hard for me; I hate being alone, I didn't want to say no he is super excited." Her voice quivers. I stare into her eyes, seeing a storm of emotions brewing behind these gorgeous hazel eyes. I want to ask, but I don't want to invade her privacy.

"Oh, shit." The instant the wind hits me. I regret wearing this mini skirt and the halter top with no coat. "what the hell was I thinking?" Liv's laughter lightens the mood. "not about winter obliviously." I feel her slide her brown leather jacket off her shoulders, slipping it onto my slender, shaking shoulders.

"Smells like you, Liv cinnamon, pine, coffee." "Sorry." "don't be." I laugh, "It's warm, inviting." "Glad to know I smell so amazing." We both laugh, walking down the sidewalk. "New York Christmas is magical, Amanda." I feel that old bitterness of anger brewing inside the same one, which drew me to the bar tonight to forget.

"Yeah, sure it is." "Not a fan of New York hyped Christmas Amanda?" "Not a fan of Christmas in general, Liv?" My statement hangs in the air, dropping fast and noisy like an anchor into the ocean. My throat is dry; my head is dizzy, my stomach rolls violently like hurricane waves.

I feel her tense she wants to integrate me but wants to be respectful at the same time. The lines between cops and human decency blurring together, making her feel as if she's on a tightrope.

I know she's thinking not a fan of Christmas? How can that be? Everyone loves Christmas. Yeah, well, not me, I'm the exception to that rule. Christmas lights gleam and glitter from every beautifully decorated window, blowup decorations wave from front yards, snow glistens as it falls rapidly. Covering sidewalks making walking in my heals slippery and covering car tops, buildings, streets, and treetops. Mocking me.

New York Traffic at it's most exceptional blaring horns, squealing of tires, angry cursing as drivers flip each other off. The cars backed up for miles, all attempting to go at once; how a pile-up hasn't happened yet is impressive to me. Christmas Miracle. "Let's go inside the Chelsea Piers Amanda."

"Sounds warm Liv, I'm game."

Christmas Carole's greet us upon entrance at least fifty kids to teenagers making up a youth choir are standing in the middle of the lobby behind them a huge Christmas tree beautifully illuminated. "they sound amazing these kids are precious."

Olivia is as lost in memories I can see it in her eyes. She's revisiting an era long ago forgotten bypassing of the generations. I watch as kids chase each other laughing, parents looking weary weakly yelling after them, trying to cuddle together to stay warm. For a minute, I close my eyes, listening to their angelic voices to the words of this song.

**This is that time of the year, A tinselly, glittery time; Long-distance calls to uncle and aunt, **

**On ev'ry corner, you bump into Santa, **

**'Cause this is that time of the year, A holly and jolly old time; **

**Windows are dressed in ribbons of silk, **

**And Junior drinks all of his milk!**

"Starbucks, Amanda, it's calling to us." Liv breaks my trance, leading me to the popular populated coffee spot.

"I wish I was that flexible nowadays. I swear I need to excise more." Shaking my head to clear my thoughts and bring me back to the present, I focus on where Olivia's eyes are. She's staring at the volleyball court where a very aggressive game is currently being played.

"Yeah, don't we all?"

"Please, Rollins you could jump that high, I've seen you do it when Fin dangles coffee cake in front of you." Both of us laugh, "You know there isn't actual coffee in that coffee cake, right?"

Rolling my eyes, I bump my hip against hers. "Yes, Captain, I know that, but oh my god it's so good." the coffee shop is body to body every table is packed so when I spot two seats I nearly stoke out. We quickly snatch them up, placing our order as a waiter comes over.

For a minute, we undress lean back and breathe out, relaxing and trying to warm up. We sit in silence listing to the choir sing another Christmas favorite.

**Busy sidewalks, busy sidewalks  
Dressed in holiday style  
In the air  
There's a feeling  
of Christmas  
Children laughing  
People passing  
Meeting smile after smile  
And on ev'ry street corner you'll hear**

**Silver bells, silver bells  
It's Christmas time in the city  
Ring-a-ling, hear them sing  
Soon it will be Christmas day**

"Thank you, Amanda."

Liv's voice brings me back to the present time. "for?" "Coming here with me today, you didn't have to. I know this seems silly." I shrug, reaching over to take her hand. "We all have our fears, our pain, our secrets. Christmas isn't always the happiest time of year for every single person. There's a reason Suicides go up this time of the year."

"Very true Amanda, I promise I'm not that bad though, don't get me wrong I love Christmas Morning, the joy of watching my son's face as he tears open his presents, there's nothing better than watching Christmas through your children's eyes." she has mo idea how those words just cut through to my deepest pain.

I wait as she sips her coffee just brought to us, blowing on mine I savor the warmth of the vanilla bean, cinnamon latte. I watch her eyes, which have fallen on the pianist who's probably around 22. Tears have filled her eyes now, so I squeeze her hand, it's the only gift I can give to her right now as I watch her struggle.

"I've carried this for over 40 years now."

"Carried what Liv?"

"This story, these memories. I can usually push away the memories I mean alcohol works very well, meaningless sex, party hopping, or working late ass hours. Today, this year is so different. Forty years is a long time."

I nod in agreement. "It's too heavy this year to bare alone I need to talk about it, and I need to remember, he deserves to be remembered."

"Who Liv? I'm listening Olivia; it's okay to take your time." Here comes that far away look behind her hazel eyes. Her shoulders sag as if they have the weight of the world on them. "Christmas was always a huge Holiday at Hudson U, my mom every year worked extra long hours, each dorm had huge parties which meant the kids had less brainpower to focus on studies, making their professors crazy."

"My mom spent more time on campus than at home, which was fine by me because it meant that my best friends Theresa and Isabella and I could sneak into the school. We'd puff our hair way up blast Cyndi Luper empty spray can bottles cause hell it was the eighties big hair was in."

"We'd pile on the makeup, hike up the skirts, stuff our bra's to make us look fuller, and blackmail Isabella's older brothers who went there into getting us into the dorms. We'd each pick a dorm, and for the Christmas Eve week, we'd sneak inside them whoever was rumored to have the best parties. We looked older, so we had no problem getting boys to pay attention to us."

"We would live the high life drinking, dancing with cute older guys, we were fourteen we started. In my sixteenth year, I met this boy who I fell madly in love with. I was super drunk and came up with the idea of vouging on the table to show him how sexy my long legs were."

I bury my head inside my hands, having the experience to know already this did not end well. "Fell flat on my face in front of him as he was playing the piano. All the kids were laughing their asses off. I was humiliated."

"I'll kick his ass Liv who is he?" "Down Rollins. Let me finish." she pets my hand making me laugh, "I thought I could vogue even as drunk as I was, newsflash alcohol and sexy do not go together. However, he was a perfect gentleman he came over, knelled in front of me, gave me his hand and helped me up."

"He got me out of the party, wrapped his arms around my waist. We walked up to the roof; it was a mild winter that year. We lay on a blanket side by side star gazing, munching on grapes, cheese, and wine."

"I learned his name was Malachy O'Connor he was from Ireland, on a scholarship for music with a minor in English, he turned out to be one of my mom's students. Which to me made him that much sexier, off-limits."

"Malachy was my first love, my first serious kiss; I was a late bloomer, I guess."

"It's okay, Liv, our bodies are sacred temples, our virtue should be persevered, treasured, I wish more girls took care of themselves and waited."

"You mean you wish you had waited Amanda?" I look away, filled with shame, "Yeah, Liv, I do." My answer is so soft I see her strain to hear me.

"You're not those names Amanda, so just stop. Don't beat yourself up."

I feel her hands run the length of my arms, sending tiny shivers coursing through my veins. "Malachy and I dated for almost a year in secret, sneaking off to movies, concerts, the library he took his studies very seriously. He made me a better student; he made me want o to be better."

"He collected me piece by piece he filled the holes that my mother's hatred, my dad's absence made. He showed me the beauty of love; he showed me a world of possibilities."

"We got jobs together at the local market; we bought each other presents little things. Neither one of us had much to our names. He bought an apartment so we could spend time together, my mother never knew for almost two years, until one night we got careless and got lost in a moment of heated passion in my bedroom. She walked in on us."

Whistling I shake my head "Yup Pearl Harbor looked like a kid's play dough bomb gone wrong compared to my mother's volcano vocabulary when she walked in and saw her twenty-five-year-old student inside her seventeen-year-old daughter's vagina."

The mention of her most innermost region makes my knees shake; my hands tense my chest squeeze. Pervert stop it, Amanda, I chastised myself over and over, yet I can't get that image out my head except instead of some Irish lad. It's me on top of Liv, making sweet love to her.

"So, what happened?"

"We got into a huge fight, and I left with Mal, it was Christmas of 1985, I was shaken obliviously at only 17, I had no real idea how to take care of myself, how to pay bills, I was still in high school, to top it off, I had a pregnancy scare."

"Oh, Liv, I am so sorry." I take her hands into mine as she smiles at me, leaning her head against mine. "Yeah I was scared, I felt alone, I wanted to die, but Mal was amazing he bought a pregnancy test for me, he held my hand as I took it, and waited with me."

"The damn thing came back inconclusive, so he went with me to the doctors, held my hands swore to me it would be alright no matter what that he would get a job, help me through high school."

"We would raise our child no matter what life dealt us."

"Of course it took days to get the results, so he filled those days with endless adventures, new romances so I wouldn't worry. Christmas Eve, he created a beautiful atmosphere on the rooftop, the same one we first lain and talked years before."

"He had lights shining, a Christmas tree decorated, presents under it, one box particular caught my eyes. So he held it open for me."

Olivia's lips twist into a gorgeous smile as she remembers a time long before I was even able to form thoughts of my own. I was maybe five; then God, the age difference shows for a second. I brush it aside, holding her hands kissing her head, taking the chance she won't kill me. Her beautiful smile rewards me, "Thanks, Amanda." "so what was the gift?"

"Eager much?"

"Yes, I love stories."

"Malachy brought me a gorgeous Emerald and VS Diamond Vintage Ring in 14k White Gold Engagement ring."

"I was so excited he made me feel complete; he made me feel sexy, smart, daring like I could be anyone as long as I believed. Honestly, before him, I was so lost, buried in my mother's rage and pain, desperate to find a father who I believed not to be the monster my mom made him out to be."

"We made love on that rooftop we toasted with champagne."

"Later, when it got colder he took my hand, and we walked to a pizza shop down the street, we were laughing, tickling each other, we were young and carefree planning our futures."

She closes her eyes. I can see her chest squeeze tight as memories assault her. I want to reach over and hug her tight. Still, I remain seated some memories are so painful you have to bear them alone because no matter how hard I hug her I can't take away the pain, I can't erase what's happened.

"I heard a woman scream, and Mal took off running down the alley, I followed, but he was faster, his legs longer he got to her first. I saw the guy on top of her raping her, but all I could do was a scream, Malachy attacked him punching him, he tried to save her, he just never saw the gun not till it went off."

In a flash, I am in front of her wrapping my arms around her as her body shakes. I know now why she's so covered in the memory of a time long passed. Today's case brought it all back fourteen-year-old Xavier P Thomas, who was shot in his school after helping a classmate who he saw being assaulted. Shot dead in his history class no longer a living breathing teenager, now his life is stolen he's a piece of history.

A lesson for today's youth, an experience which they should never have to learn.

One, they are learning more painfully with each passing day. Guns kill, they don't care about age, race, gender, sexual orientation if you've ever held a gun before or not. They have one purpose aim, squeeze shoot.

"I'm here, honey. I'm right here, let it out."

She cries openly unashamed as I hold her running my hands along her back, feeling her heartbeat hearing the sound of guns being fired. A sound I wish I could forget. I almost can't breathe. Each sob which escapes her makes my heart break more. I almost feel bad for not sharing my story.

She should know she's not alone that I am not some Grinch who hates Christmas only for petty reasons. I have my horror my past. My profound loss, I can't, though.

No words can ever describe how my loss makes me feel besides this isn't my time to share; this is her moment, her pain which deserves to be recognized. It's selfish of me even to entertain the thought of taking that away from her. It's the same reason I didn't share with Xavier's mother hours before. It's not my time. It's her son her pain, her world forever shattered.

Tears roll down my face as I think about Justine Thomas no mother should have to bury their son ever, especially at Christmas time though, it makes me feel for Malachy's mother a world away getting that call.

Olivia's hands caress my face as her cries soften my lips, gently ghost her checks. We both carry pain so deep it makes me understand her passion for stopping these criminals even better. Now I know why she's a stickler for rules, protocols, why she is so hard on me. It's personal for her.

"Amanda."

Her voice is so husky now I feel aroused God I have issues. "Yes, Liv?" "I need you" "I'm here, Liv, right here." "No I mean I need you tonight, I need to be held, I need to be loved, I want to make love to you. I've been holding back these feelings for a long time; I can't wait anymore. I won't deny myself. I need to be desired, wanted, touched, kissed, caressed. I need to forget the pain, remember the magic of Christmas, would you? I know it's a lot to ask, I don't want to push myself on you, or take advantage of you."

"Would you make love with me?"

Her question her request floors me. In all these years, I never knew she held these feelings for me. Frankly, I thought she hated me. I always wondered if I ever crossed her mind. Does she know I am a lesbian? How did she find out? Is she drunk? Does she know I have the biggest obsession with her? Will she regret this Christmas Eve delight come morning light? Would I regret it?

"Amanda, I am sorry, I know it was too much. I'm sorry I drank a little too much Whiskey I should go... My hands react before my mind can register what they are doing. Grabbing her hands, I pull them to my waist.

"Don't go," I whisper, bending my head, so my lips meet hers. "Not alone, come home with me, I … I want to make love to you too."


	2. Chapter 2 Don't call me Angel

**Chapter 2: Don't Call me an angel**

**P O V: Amanda Rollins**

**A/N T:hanks to all who have reviewed my stories, favored and followed. I own nothing in the SVU uiverse except this plot and any original characters.  
**

**Amanda Rollins Apartment**

**2525 Hunters Point, Long Island City**

**New York, NY **

**December 24th 2019 12:30 am**

Waves of pleasure and pain ripped through my whole body. Moans escape my dry, parched lips. "O-h Liv." my throaty moans emulate from deep inside my Larynopharynx. She leans forward, my nails digging deep into the small of her Latissimus dorsi. God, she's perfection, so tanned and toned. My back arches while hisses dance upon my lips as her delicate fingers enter my most precious, personal area.

Feverish kisses cover my body starting from my neck; there's nothing romantic about kissing in the middle of making love; it's not poetic or perfect. Truthfully it's wet, sloppy but enjoyable. My eyes open slowly amiss my high feverish state, her face is illuminated in the shadows only by a sheer streak of moonlight coming from her bedroom window. Her enchanting scent of honey, ginger, and vanilla body lotion have filled me with such arousal; I can barely contain myself. It's been years in the making tonight, one I never imagined would happen except in my dreams.

Her tongue begged entrance inside my mouth. She is filling my pores with a tingling sensation from brandy that she'd been drinking, along with mint gum.

Pure delight in my uvula. In all the years I've dreamed and fantasied about making love to this amazing woman, I always thought she was straight. Never did I think she would look at me the same, maybe she doesn't, maybe come morning light she'll regret tonight, forget we even made love. She's drunk, of course, she has to be, Liv claims she isn't. Yet we're here in this bed, together, kissing touching each other in ways which go beyond best friends, there's no question we've already broken more than a few rules in her police procedural book.

My breath hitched in suspension; I can barely breathe. Tears of anxiety and desire burn brightly, stinging my eyeballs. "Liv, are you sure?" looking at her face, which plays a hundred different emotions across her gorgeous features. I expect her to wake up. To regain her senses at any minute sober up, she's had less to drink than I did. Instead of regret, I see delight, lust, and passion burning inside her eyes. "I'm more than sure, Manda, I've wanted this for so damn long." her fingers brush ever so gently over the folded skin of my nipples, sending giant tremors coursing through my body. Right to my lower half, my clitoris. Pulsating waves send my back arching straight nearly painful, her tongue waits for nothing, exploring the inside of my delicate walls, every cell awakened.

Slippery, wet, warm, minty, and breathy, our kisses become more heated. My heart beats faster, causing my head to spin with dizzy pleasure. From the first unexpected kiss in the cab on the way home, I knew tonight would forever change both our worlds. Bad or good, I wasn't sure back then, even now, I am confused, but living in the moment. It's consensual, that's all that matters to me right now. "Manda." She moans my name, which leaves me feeling so damn powerful, sexy, and desired. Feelings I haven't felt in my whole life, I can't stop quivering under her kisses, inmate touches. I appreciate every sound she makes, especially the low growl as her lips attack my collar bone, covering my chest. "God, bite me, Liv, fuck, yes." "You like it rough, Amanda?" "God, Yass, fuck yes." pleasure and pain have never felt so right together. Her eyes scan my body, which shivers under her kisses. "You like my tight body?"

Her reply is to slap my butt as she lifts me moving my luxurious blond waves out of her face, her hands grip my butt. Our breasts now mounded as one. So soft, like clouds of heaven. Sweaty heaven, but wonderfully warm and comforting. I want to make Liv feel as treasured, as wanted as loved as she is making me feel why I'm so nervous is beyond me, This isn't my first time with a woman, I've been out since I was sixteen. However, tonight is the first time I've been with a woman who I've spent fifteen plus years obsessing over, admiring, idolizing, and working beside. Dreaming about, only to have been crushed so many times.

It's a rush. A soft heat in my stomach, a faltering of breath, as my eyes zone in on hers, her smile which slowly parts from her left side earning her tiny kisses along the oral commissures, or the way she brushes her hair from my face so soft like she's afraid I'll break, can she see the lust in my eyes?. Or feel my anxiety? "Don't be so gentle Liv, I'm not afraid, I won't break. I run the show in the bedroom." Her laugh gives me a much-needed confidence "rollover, bitch," I see the arch of her eyebrow and pray she doesn't hold this against me come morning. "Whatever you say, Amanda." Kneeling over her fantastic body, I smile seductively. "Spread your legs; I'm going to make you understand just how powerful it is to make love to another woman."

"Confident are we, Detective?" "Yes, I am, there's nothing wrong with it." "Never said there was, just do me a favor, shut that delicious mouth, and place it where it pulsates, I'm not getting any younger, here." "You can't rush heaven, Olivia. Foreplay is essential to sex. Trust me." "I do ' Mandy; I do with my body, heart, soul."

Closing my eyes for a brief second, I let her arousal fill my nostrils. Each woman is so different in their scent, wetness, and look. I love women who shaves, so I am secretly glad when I brush my hair back and head down on her to see she is shaven clean. Gently I lower my lips to the front commissure which is a soft pale pink warm, flushing with arousal and heat; they're slightly bigger. Sucking, licking, kissing, I feel excited as her body arches, squeals of delight fill the room softly.

I like to pay attention to my partner, to notice if she's wet, what she does with her body. If she arches her back and pushes me to meet my tongue, I take it as a sure sign that she's ready for me to get more active down there. Liv's squeals let me know she wants more. So I slowly lick her lips, running my tongue over the roughness which expenditures my fuel.

Her texture and color change as I go further inside her, cold sweat rushes down my flushed face, I take my time pleasing her, getting to know her shape, her tender spots, enjoying her taste, which is uniquely her own. Taking a slight pause for air when I feel on the verge of passing out, I glance up her phenomenal physic. "Are you all right, Liv? Are you comfortable?"

She grins running her hands through my long silky hair "I'm perfect Angel, please don't stop." "Oh, I won't kitten, just don't call me an angel, because I am never angelic in the bedroom, I'm dirty, I'm devilish, I will make you scream in terror and pleasure."

"Damn, Rollins, okay, how about if I call you my nightingale?" "Well, I will have you are crowing, so I'll take it." "Sweet talker, aren't you?" "I am, but I also follow through." For the next twenty minutes, I explore her, pleasing her until I arrive at the most inner sensational area. I feel her tense seconds upon my tongue, licking her clitoris. "Liv, it's okay. Just tell me to stop," "Just for a minute, baby." I move closer to her, holding her, our bodies pressed together in warm, sweaty comfort. Gently I run my hands through her mousy bronzed hair, kissing her face.

Both of us are breathing pretty dramatically, which makes me laugh since we spend our days chasing criminals, yet we get winded from making love. "You okay, Mandy?" "Yeah, just thinking how lucky I am, thank you, Liv." "For what sweetness?" "Everything, honestly tonight for chasing me down, knowing me well enough to know, I wasn't okay. For being my soundproof room, when I broke down in that cab." "You let me have it all out, no judgment, you just held me, you showed me love, acceptance."

"We all have those moments Amanda, we all lose control, sometimes the best outcomes happen when we allow ourselves to lose control. We're human, we all need someone to hold us, when the pain gets too great to bear on our own, when we're in doubts of our abilities, we all crave that human touch. There's no shame in it, no thanks needed, you did it for me earlier when I broke down over Malachy".

"I'm only sorry you've never had anyone tell you how beautiful you are, how much you inspire them, I admire your strength even if it's maddening." Tears prickle my eyes as I move closer to her face, our eyes lock. I can't breathe, I'm blinded, lost at this moment.

"Really?" the word comes out so small, so disbelieving it makes me shatter. I never let myself see how broken I was, how much I craved someone's admiration. I've always been on the giving end, never the receiving. "Yes, really Mandy, don't doubt yourself, you are so strong, so brave, so fucking beautiful. Angels are jealous of you; that's why they flew to Babylon and sent you to earth."

I laugh for the first time in days, and I can't stop. "Oh my god, that was so corny." she kisses my head so gently, "But so true, you've flamed something inside of me Amanda, something I feared was dead, for way too long, I haven't let myself love in years, not since Tucker or Malachy. Your admiration, yes I've noticed, your acceptance, friendship, it's shattered something inside of me, a wall I've built up. I feel myself falling, it's scaring me, but it's exciting, I've always been utterly terrified that if I fall I'll break, shatter with no chance of being put together when I'm with you all that doesn't matter. Your everything I want to know, I look at you, and I see gold, I see heaven. I've started to learn that when we're in love, we make our boats, we sail our rivers, we can break any frontier."

"Heaven knows no Frontiers, Olivia." she smiles at me before turning me over kissing me passionately. "This must be fate than Amanda; this spark feels warmer like it's about to enlighten both our worlds and combust when we least expect it." "I'm game; I'm thirsty for heaven's pure, holy water, shall we continue where we left off?" She nods, pushing my head down below.

Heaven has its way; I realized my dream within minutes, starting with a flick of my tongue over her clitoris and slowly licking until I felt her relax inserting a finger inside of her sweet, wet warm center. "I'd like you to tell me what works and doesn't, or show me if you don't want to say it." her response is to push my face deeper inside of her warmth.

One finger becomes two, which turns into three, I feel her body heating like summer flames on a moth's back. "Oh, Manda, oh god, oh." her moans radiate a lustful simulation, fueling my flames. Her eyes close as her chest heaves, she never sees me bring the ice cube out until it's covering her thighs, legs and brushing over her vagina. Her gasp causes laughter to escape my lips; her eyes widen as I take the ice cube, which I've now taken out of her and place it between my lip. Her hand reaches out to touch me, but I stop her shaking my head. "Not till I say Liv, I'm in control, remember, first I please you, I will leave you gasping, begging to touch me, only then do you get the pleasure."

She's speechless and can only nod, her eyes taking over my chest. "You can scream, fight, try to push me away. I know everyone else let you down, but I'll keep you safe. My love is unconditional. I will take you so high you'll never fall; if you need that trust, put your hand on my heart."

She reaches up slowly, our eyes never unlocking first her hand brushes than cups my full breast. Grinning, I lower it so her palm cups over my heart. "Nice try, Liv; I told you I dominate the bedroom." "Hey, can't blame a woman for trying." "No, but I can punish you." "So do it already." Growling, I lower myself, "Say it with a little more respect Olivia." "Do it, dominate me," Her eyes widen as I bite her southern region, her nails dig into my back. "Spread your legs now."

In life, I am not the most confident; in the bedroom, it's a different story. Especially when there's a night like tonight where I am drunk all my tricks come out; I can't be tamed. Liv's legs wrap around my neck as my mouth is entirely devoured into her southern regional charm. For people who don't know me, they do not understand; I get my women screaming my name, moaning in satisfaction, shaking the bed, every time. I get crazy, wild; I fly with a sex drive that no man can match. I never score less than a ten, I'm not a trick or a mistake, I don't fake, I just pleasure and tease, but I always succeed.

Olivia's orgasm hits her with such force it shatters walls, eardrums. Dear God, please don't let the neighbors call the cops. My lips smash against hers silencing her moans; my body rubs against her causing heated friction. I feel her grip tighten around my biceps this time I allow her to roll me onto my back.

"Amanda, relax, say goodbye to the chains which have tied you up. Tonight is all about you; I want to satisfy you. Can you allow me to do that for you, baby? Can you let me help you find everything you are looking for I want to make you happy?"

"Yes," my answer comes out breathy "Thank you, Amanda. I won't hurt you, or be a disappointment to you." "Liv, you could never be a disappointment to me." I gently touch her cheek as I close my eyes. Reaching over I turn on the radio, so we don't wake the neighbors with our screams, it's always helped me to relax when I am on the receiving end music has ever had a calming effect on my whole being. Taylor Swift comes on. As a Country girl, I am unafraid or unashamed to admit I love her.

I never grew up; it's getting so old  
Help me hold onto you  
I've been the archer  
I've been the prey  
Who could ever leave me, darling?  
But who could stay?

Songs can elevate you to a whole different platform; every song is diverse; when I close my eyes, I can picture myself in fields of heaven. Even twenty-plus years older than myself, Olivia is super toned, fit her body is a bronzed goddess. "I want you so badly, Olivia." "honey, you have me in every way."

Roaming hands squeeze each other's tender body parts, misty sheets tangle as our bodies roll, twisting with each new touch. Olivia's eyes meet mine with a straightforward message, "Play with me."

Tight calves fill my palms as I grip her, my arousal coiling inside my stomach deep, fiery, causing tiny gasps. Pain slams into my glabella and frontal spine. Deep breaths catch between my lungs and throat. Her fingers slide inside of my tender spot, leaving me dizzy and nausea. Each new sensation washes over me powerful as ocean waves; if I weren't already knocked on my back, I would be now, paralyzed by her touches, kisses. Eyes water with saltiness, stinging the back of my pupils, screams stick inside my throat. I cling onto her lips with mine, like they're some kind of bad religion, and I am a naughty catholic school girl eager to feel God's love.

The dark side, I search for your dark side  
But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?  
And I cut off my nose just to spite my face  
Then I hate my reflection for years and years

I'm sinking deeper into her trance, her hands grip my back, fingers brushing against my breasts, which stiffen in pleasure. I can't breathe; I don't care. Shaken, dizzy, wet, warm. Our flesh infuses together, so it's impossible who's skin is attached to which body.

I'm alive, I've never felt so enchanted, so divinely conquered, I feel as if I'm ready for combat. Like I could challenge cupid with his stupid bows and arrows. Who needs that little bastard? I know my heart, my body, my soul. They've all been conquered by this amazing iconic woman.

I wake in the night; I pace like a ghost.  
The room is on fire, invisible smoke  
And all of my heroes die all alone  
Help me hold onto you  
I've been the archer,  
I've been the prey  
Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?  
But who could stay?  
(I see right through me, I see right through me)

My eyes open as the highest of Elysian fields descend over my arched body the words of the song on the radio wash over me as I scream in pleasure, white-hot searing flashing waves turn to neon light shows. My orgasm peaks leaving me shaken, grasping onto her shoulders, clinging only to the words of the song as any semblance of reality, keeping me from passing out.

All the king's horses, all the king's men  
Couldn't put me together again  
'Cause all of my enemies started out as friends  
Help me hang onto you

"Help me hold onto you."

"Hang on darlin' I'm right here forever and for always." I hadn't even known I said those words out loud, not till I was sinking into her arms, my head resting between her breasts, her hands stroking my hair, face. Kissing my jaw, "I love you, Amanda." "I love you to Olivia."

Sleep takes me away into the sweet land of Elysian fields as my whole body relaxes under her gentle touch. I never want to wake, not if it means being outside of her embrace. That dream is shattered in what seems like minutes; in reality, after I pry my heavy eyelids open, I discover it's been two hours. My whole body is heavy as I hear Olivia's phone ringing. I smile, hearing her ringtone. Taylor Swift's You need to calm down.

"You just need to take several seats and then try to restore the peace  
And control your urges to scream about all the people you hate  
'Cause shade never made anybody less gay."

"Rollins, SVU." I cough out my throat, feeling dry as I sit up, not bothering to cover my chest, cause who cares? There's a pause when I realize I just screwed up majorly. I hear a man cough; it sounds like laughter being stiffed. "Well, well-baby lamb finally got her Shepard to tame her." "Fuck, Fin?" I know now I will never hear the end of this "Yes baby girl, we got a case wake uh your shepherd oh this is too damn good, and meet us at 400 West 63rd Street #319, make it quick, Garland wants this shit settled quickly, or it's Liv's ass on the line."

"Great, just what she doesn't need, hey Fin, I don't think I need to remind you." "As fun as it would be to watch you squirm, Manda, your secrets safe with me, I mean, she is my boss too." "Thanks, partner." "Please, it's what we do, I got you, you got me, now hurry, you little hussy."

I let Liv sleep while I make coffee call ex to tell her she and Casey will have Noah longer than expected. Take a quick shower. When the coffee's ready, I wake her with butterfly kisses. She grabs me, pulling me to the bed, showering me with rainbow love. How I wish I could stay in her arms forever. I know we can't, though; we took an oath; we swore to serve and to protect and somewhere out there is someone's son or daughter who's night has been a total pit of hell. "We have to go, my love."

I wish we could escape reality for just a little longer, but she pulls me upholding me close. "Tomorrow night, we shall continue this." "Promise?" Her lips tenderly kiss my forehead. "Forever, my angel." "Uh, don't call me an angel." "you're my angel, and I shall call you angel whenever I want because I got it like that."

Rolling my eyes, I slap her hip "You sure do." Heading out into a city which can be far less beautiful than the love we made tonight, I send a silent prayer for us to all come home safe, because despite her promise. None of us can ever know what will happen; each call has the potential to be our last call.

"My heart, my hips, my body, my love, Tryna find a part of me you didn't touch, I can't find one Liv." smiling I kiss her "Too bad cause we have so much more to explore." The very thought of this sends me into delighted waves of euphoria, taking away my nerves.

(A/N: Lyrics belong to Taylor

Swift for both songs used in this chapter.)


End file.
